When Enactors Fail at Being Shits

Excerpt from On Being a Shit: Unkind Deeds and Cover-Ups in Everyday Life

Significance of the Lesser Statuses

The testing of the preliminary theory provided evidence that terms considered and then discarded in favor of shit actually have a place in the theory. The terms prick, schmuck, and weasel fit the statuses of those who fail at being shits. Which status enactors earn depends upon the nature of their cover-ups and upon the nature of their unkind deeds.

In addition, partway into the analysis, I realized that the actions of the coal mine owners and their governmental confederates fit the word bastard, when it is used to mean callousness and entitlement. The mean-spiritedness of their cover-ups and the nature of their unkind deeds entitled them to this status.

Beside those involved in the coal mining cover-ups, many other enactors succeeded at being bastards, the lawyer Laura and her confederates, Jamie the scriptwriter, Don who was Ella’s lover, and Nick who was Cara’s lover. Each was callous. They believed themselves to be entitled to act as they did and to reap the benefits of their actions. They did whatever it took to cover-up.

Alternate Statuses Depends Upon Enactors

The people they dumped on, however, refused to buy into their constructions of reality. The actions of recipients bring about failures at being shits, but the actions of enactors determine which alternative statuses they achieve. Many stories show this, such as Don’s and Ella’s. When Ella refused to buy into Don’s cover-ups,

Don’s behaviors at first entitled him to status of bastard, with his final achievement that of the lowly weasel, a satisfying finale for readers who saw through Don the whole time and who rooted for Ella to do the same.

Cara, stunned by Nick’s refusal to answer any more questions, realized Nick was not who she thought he was. As she worked toward a new understanding of Nick’s character, the harshness of his actions convinced her that she had come to the end of the road with him.

Without Cara’s buy-in, Nick’s status became that of bastard — callous, unrepentant, and unaccountable. The flowery birthday card was an indicator that he also could be clueless about the effects of his actions. Nick in this instance was a True Believer of the bastard type.

Evidence Supports A Hierarchy of Enactors

Earlier, I had speculated that the statuses of shit, bastard, prick, schmuck, and weasel form a hierarchy, where being a shit is the highest status that enactors can achieve and weasel the lowest. When I first proposed this status hierarchy, I was in the midst of testing the preliminary theory, which did not account for what to call persons who fail at being shits.

I now have evidence that supports this speculation. I found many instances where enactors succeeded when recipients had buy-in, and other instances where recipients resisted buy-in and enactors achieved other statuses. The status of bastard might be the most common, followed by prick, schmuck, and weasel. I also found that the statuses enactors achieved depended upon their own actions.

Although I identified few schmucks, I believe this is a matter of perspective. James Frey, in many ways, fits the definition of schmuck, as I believe many other enactors do, including Nick and Jamie. Karl Rove could well fit the category of schmuck, especially when he claims that other people made him do it.

Figure 1, which is on page 59 and also in the Appendix, arranges these statuses in a hierarchy. Shit is at the pinnacle, symbolizing what an accomplishment that status is. Following shit in order are bastard, prick, and schmuck. Weasel is at the bottom of the hierarchy, signifying the lowly status the term designates.

Further research may refine this status hierarchy or could even refute it. All research findings, no matter how derived, are subject to modification when scientists identify new evidence. That in fact is how science proceeds—from conjecture, to testing, to modification or refutation, and reformulation, as previously discussed.

Evidence Supports Variety in the Lesser Statuses

Earlier, I had also conjectured that the lesser statuses could come in the same varieties as those of shit. I now have evidence that supports this speculation. For example, at the end of Quentins, Don was a weasel of the Reactor type. Jamie was a schmuck and weasel who also may have been a True Believer as well as Reactor. Sophie and Bill achieved the status of bastard of the Reactor type. Karl Rove was a Clever Fox to the end, but he also may be a weasel, schmuck, and prick. Karl once again hits the jackpot.

Indeed, the testing of the preliminary theory shows that the addition of the terms bastard, prick, schmuck, and weasel fit those who fail at being shits. What’s more, each of these statuses can also be Reactors, True Believers, or Clever Foxes. Only they determine these outcomes.

Finally, the application of the preliminary theory to sto-ries shows that enactors indeed can shift between being Reactors, True Believers, and Clever Foxes. They can also succeed at being shits at some points, but then also find that when recipients refuse buy-in, their own actions relegate them to the ranks of bastard, prick, schmuck, and weasel. These ranks can change depending upon their own actions. Recipients have the power to dethrone them from being shits, but their own actions determine the statuses they achieve.