Billy Pittman's Near Perfect Apology

Commentary on Accountability

Apologies have several characteristics: the wrong-doer makes a full account of the unkind deeds, takes responsi-bility for the unkind deeds, listens to the thoughts and feelings of persons they hurt, acknowledges the hurt the unkind deeds have caused, and seeks to make amends. If the person who is wronged does not want to make amends, the now repentant wrong-doer accepts this and goes on with life.

Billy Pittman, a football player for the Longhorns at the University of Texas, provided an almost perfect example of an apology. Pittman had broken NCAA rules when he borrowed a friend’s car during the summer of 2007. He said, “I’m really sorry. It was an honest mistake, and I’ll do everything I can to make up for it.”

What would have made the apology perfect would have been “I made a mistake. I’m really sorry. I’d do everything I can to make up for it.” Then, of course, he has to mend his ways and make up for it. Saying it was an honest mistake was just a little bit of self-justification.

The University’s Response

Borrowing the car threatened Billy’s status as an amateur athlete. The athletic department and the University of Texas held him accountable. The coach suspended him for three games. The University voluntarily reported the rule violation to the college athletic association, the NCAA.

Billy was on the spot. If he had not taken responsibility and apologized, he would have lost his place on the football team, his reputation would have been damaged, and he might have lost his chance for a professional football career. In some ways, he had few choices. Billy was a quick learner. He knew what he had to do.

The University was exemplary in its response to Billy‘s wrong-doing. The University and NCAA provided clear guidance to Billy on what he had to do to salvage his reputation and to keep on playing football.

Some Enactors Refuse Accountability

Unlike Billy, some enactors ignore pressure and refuse to acknowledge their unkind deeds. They choose instead to fabricate a string of cover-ups. Don, discussed in the chapter called Drama in Dublin, is an example. Even being arrested and hauled away by Dublin guards did not prompt him to acknowledge his unkind deeds and cover-ups.

When there is no pressure to reform and no apparent reward to do so, some enactors never admit they have acted like shits. Heather’s boyfriend, for example, had no other pressure than that which Heather exerted. He may even have had encouragement for his unkind deeds and cover-ups with his bar buddies. He never gave in. Heather did. This story is in the chapter called The Case of the Missing Coffee Grinder.

Nick only had pressure from Cara to contend with and apparently no conscience to prick him into accountability. Cara cut off contact with him while stating she would be available if he would come clean. He refused. This story is in the chapter called When a Man Wants Two Women.